Friday, June 15, 2012

Help Wanted!!

Help Wanted!!

Politician for the Year 2012

Do you have a burning passion to get wealthy through schmoozing corporate hogs? Are you ready to make a difference in the altering of fair and free elections? If you have the leadership and passion, you could potentially be a perfect fit to work as a politician in the year 2012! We have leadership positions available in offices across the country so apply today! Stand with Wall Street, the KKK, and like minded parasites on these critical current-day issues.

Job Responsibilities: Recruitment: Build a team of 15-50 mindless flunkies by recruiting from within the local and/or national community. Interview prospective staff, who lack the ability to ask questions or think independently, and make hiring decisions; Staff Management: Teach spin, lies, and most importantly, fundraising skills. Work with your minions in individual and group settings, with a particular eye towards keeping you in office at all costs. Cultivate a welcoming and motivating atmosphere; Canvassing: Canvass in the field as often as it takes to raise vast sums of money. Administration: Carefully track income and expenses, carefully using only one eye. Manage the budget for your office; cooking the books where possible. Process staff payroll, convincing staff they're making a living wage. Maintain falsified records for future organizing efforts.

Qualifications: Strong communication and motivational skills, ability to talk out of both sides of your face, and desire for political control of your constituents are essential. Candidates must be willing to step on toes as needed, have proven leadership ability and experience handling a lot of cash. Strong self-direction and the ability to take things that don't belong to you are also necessary qualifications. Previous field or lobbying experience is a plus, and may qualify candidates for additional leadership positions.

Training: Newly hired politicians will typically spend thirty minutes doing field training, working intensely alongside slimy politicians and will also attend motivational speeches by both parties. Additionally, politicians receive support from corporate sponsors throughout their time in office. After one year in the position, politicians will have learned the basics of running a successful political scam, including, but not limited to, fundraising and donor recruitment, hiring and supervising staff and/or volunteers, and resource management.

Expectations: Positions have a minimum commitment through the 2012 Calendar Year. Campaign hours can run 80-100 hours per week, including work on weekends, where golf clubs are needed.

Salary/Benefits: Annual salary for politicians... The sky's the limit!! Candidates may opt into our health care plan (PPO). Paid training, vacation and tons of sick days are included; student loan assistance is available.

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